It has been two weeks since I gave up coffee.
I was never a heavy drinker to begin with, and I had actually stopped once before. But it has a way of creeping back in. Drinking it in the morning felt like a warm greeting from an old friend, one you trust, one that has always shown up. Despite the nausea it caused, the stomach churning, the jolt was hard to resist.
It started with one cup a day. I felt energized, focused, more productive than ever. Then came the crashes. So around 4pm I would have another cup, and without fail it invigorated me all over again. That second wind made bedtime feel manageable, and the lingering energy carried me through countless late night work sessions, often until 1am. By 6:30 or 7am when I woke up, I was already reaching for the next cup to do it all over again.
Those quiet late night hours, when the house was still and no one needed anything from me, were genuinely joyful. But after months of this cycle, the lack of sleep started catching up. I began experiencing a dullness I had not felt before. I would sit in front of my computer with a narrow window of time to work and find myself unable to think clearly. I started gravitating toward tasks that required no critical thinking just to feel productive.
Then my husband took the kids for a full day. A rare, eight-hour stretch of uninterrupted work time. I was so excited. What ended up happening was that I was so depleted my brain felt completely scrambled. I ended up on my brother's studio couch, doom scrolling and feeling anxious, unable to do a single thing.
The cycle had to break. And the only way through it was to feel the tiredness.
Oy... that first week was rough. Every time I sat down my eyelids felt like kettlebells. I took multiple micro naps just to get through the day. By evening I had nothing left and was forced to go to bed early. But after a few days of surrendering to it, I started waking up clear headed. Rested. My morning work sessions became sharper, less scattered. Out of old habit, I still try to squeeze in some work in the evening. But my eyes close before my laptop does. I have not given up caffeine entirely. A few cups of green tea a week, a matcha if I really need a lift. Some days I forget entirely.
And in these coffee-free weeks, I still managed to do everything. I launched a new style. Packed and shipped orders. Shot content with at a friend's. Attended graduations and stayed out late celebrating. Went to birthday parties. Went to kindergarten orientation. Took a mini getaway.
The list did not get shorter. I just stopped borrowing from tomorrow to get through today.
With love,
Maria
I even managed to install my window AC unit.